Thoughts...

When?

2007-05-19T11:29:00.000+09:30

When will they finally get it?

When will he realise?

...

When it's too late

"Sometimes my heart hurts so much, I beat it with my fists. I try to run. But you cannot run from this. It waits for you. Even when you think you have escaped it, it is there."

And then...?

2006-10-15T18:07:00.000+09:30

Ah Ya Albi

2006-10-09T18:01:00.000+09:30

I walk away and search for your hand, for your arm to cling on to.
I can't believe what we just did.
I feel almost paralysed.
Everything I do, reminds me of you.
I walk to my desk, and I see you there, reading the latest news, uploading and admiring your photos.
I walk to my room, and smell the pillow your head laid opon, the sheets your body slept on.
Baby, you smell so beautiful.
I hug your pillow and wait to feel your kiss on my forehead, for you to play with my hair...
And suddenly remember it is just a pillow.
I lay there all night, reminiscing, praying, yearning...
There is no difference between day and night.
Hours pass and 8am comes.
I wait for you to come wake me.
I wait for your sweet kiss.
I walk from my room to your room.
"Habibi..."
No answer.
I come to have breakfast.
Mum puts me some hlawet el jibn...
"Sassine likes that" I say.
Food has lost it's taste.
I get my things ready to go to uni, and stumble across the shells we collected that sweet day at the beach.
I remember the rock you reminded me about and run to the jacket.
I smell the bonfire and cannot get enough.
I look in the pockets and find the beanie you wore...
The funny blue and black one with the pompom.
I get dressed and spray Kenzo...
You liked that.
I come across the 'magic powder'...
The one I carried around with the brush everywhere.
I don't need it today.
I get in the car, and it's, you guessed it, Tony Kiwan.
I put on your favourite station.
It doesn't sound the same without holding hands.
On the train I spot two lovers.
Neyaloun.
I fondle for my sunnies and hope that no-one can see through them.
The 35 minute train ride feels like 35 hours.
I make my way to uni.
I don't want to catch the tram, and though time is not permitting, I walk up to uni, along the road we both walked along.
I sit on the bench you waited for me on.
I walk into my lecture and my friend says to me "how are you?"
I choke on my words.
She hugs me, but all I feel is you.
I call your mobile, I know you cannot answer, you are still on the plane, but I still wait for you to pick up.
"Habibi?... Habibi?"
I wear my pyjamas, and put on your slippers.
It's only 3pm, but feels like 3 weeks since you left.
I sort out the papers on my desk and come across the CD you burned for me.
I hope one day I can view these photos.
Right now, I am not game enough.
"Sasso?... Habibi?"
Redd 3allayi.
Please come back...
And never EVER leave me again.

Can't find the words...

2006-08-31T09:04:00.000+09:30

...Perfect...

END this Violence NOW

2006-08-13T11:09:00.000+09:30

And every child deserves a LIFE

Thanks to AM www.moithinkingoutloud.blogspot.com

It's Never Between You & Them Anyway

2006-08-13T02:55:00.000+09:30

In these troublesome times, we may be tempted to feel anger, hatred, and sometimes been on the verge of losing all hope. Whenever tempted, remember these assuring words of Mother Teresa.

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

Hope they will motivate you as much as they have inspired me (now and in the past).

Peace to you all.

Smile... even through your tears

2006-08-12T22:49:00.000+09:30

These times are hard...

However, we must smile, even through our tears...

We are Lebanese...

We will survive...

Until We Meet Again...

2006-03-25T17:52:00.000+10:30

She begins to wake the sleeping sky.
When she reaches out, the ocean responds.
She moves closer and closer to him.
He caresses her.
Simultaneously, she bows her head, chin to chest.
Her arms fall to her sides.
She sinks to her knees.
In one motion.
I watch, anticipate, wait for her next move.
She rises almost magically, and greets the incoming breeze.
They all begin to dance, oh-so-blissfully.
She turns and waves.

It is so beautiful, so captivating, the sun's arrival, when it breaks the surface of the ocean.

Feeling her warmth, I step forward, and imprint the warming sand.
When I look up, they are still dancing, waltzing, with so much passion.
They sway and spin, whirl and swing, to the music they create with the ocean.
Their level of elation, their contentment, is a striking contrast...
A striking contrast of what I witness later when I welcome the night.

Until they meet again...

Until we meet again...

Something Special

2006-03-12T14:06:00.000+10:30

I look at this man. He is seated next to his wife, among his children, his family and closest friends. His wife is talking with some women. I'm not sure what about, although I'm sitting right next to her. I'm too busy looking at this man. He is quiet and very frail. He's chewing very slowly and looking at his wife. He's withdrawn... dreamy.
Fifty years. Fifty years of love. Of happiness. Fifty years with this wonderful woman. A woman like no other. The mother of my beloved children. Fifty years... to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish... Through the good times and the bad, we stuck by each other. With respect and understanding, our love grew. In this love, we raised our children. I adore this woman and my admiration for her increases each and every day.
These are the words his eyes spoke. Slowly his eyes meet mine. I feel shy, like I've been 'caught'. Everyone is enjoying their food, laughing and drinking and I seem almost mesmerised by him. I smile timidly and look down at my food. I continue eating. Whilst eating, I continue to take note of this man. Slowly and weakly, with the aid of his daughter, he lifts up his hand and places the next spoonful in his mouth. Each spoonful is such an effort.

This man's son get's up from the table and increases the volume of the music that is playing. It's a song that his father loves. A song by an artist of his father's generation, an artist his father grew up listening and passionately dancing to.

This man's wife gets up from the table and begins to dance. She is not a good dancer, never has been, but she is so happy, that doesn't matter. She is shaking her hips and waving her hands. Soon, everyone is up from the table, dancing and revelling in the warm, family atmosphere. I remain at the table as does the man.

Shortly, his daughter comes and sits next to him. She lovingly holds his hand, so as to console him. He cannot get up so easily, let alone dance like he could fifty years ago. She looks at him but he does not meet his eyes with hers. He cannot. He is just looking at his wife. A tear forms in his eyes.

"Your mum is an amazing person."

His two sons approach him, and one on each of his sides, they lift him. He tries to move his feet but he can only manage to slightly sway his hands. Nevertheless, he tries. He wants to dance so desperately, just like he used to be able to.

Where's the man no one could get off the dance-floor. The man who partied until the early hours of the morning.

He feels useless. My vision blurs slightly. I try to avoid eye-contact with anyone. His daughter seems to notice though. She looks at me, tears streaming down her face.

"My dad is such an amazing person."

Useless? Far from it.

Love.

It's just so special.

Two Become One

2006-02-21T22:08:00.000+10:30

Two souls, one feeling
Two hearts, one beat
Two heads, one mind
Two mouths, one word
Two feet, one step
Two hands, one touch
Two rings, one bond
Two angles, one view
Two people, one self
Two lives, one shared

The Summer Wind

2006-02-21T20:32:00.000+10:30

I feel so much older now than then,
But I still sense a childish splendor when I feel the Summer wind.
It reminds me of hours of play gone by,
and a million unanswered questions of how and why?
I think of friends that I have known and lost,
and of all the bridges that I have burned and crossed.
If we could only stay as children and never learn to hate,
or know the sorrow of finding something out when it was too late.
Yes, I do feel much older now than then,
But I thank God for the splendor I feel in the Summer wind.

When...

2006-02-20T22:16:00.000+10:30

When tears never fall, and birds never fly.
When winter never ends, and children never cry.
When the nights are not dark, and the days have no light.
When forever ends, and the eyes have no sight.
When ears cannot hear, and the grass never grows.
When silence is too loud, and the genius never knows.
When strength doesn't strengthen, and flowers never bloom.
When hearts can't be broken, and eternity is too soon.
When the wind never blows, and the rain doesn't wet.
When thunder can't be heard, and the sun refuses to set.
When angels don't protect, and a fact is not true.
When life can't be lived, and the sky is not blue.
When the truth is a lie, and the fake turns real.
When the clock shows no time, and wounds never heal.
When enjoyment isn't fun, and bells cannot ring.
When a race can't be won, and a singer cannot sing.
When pain does not hurt, and enemies never fight.
When rainbows have no color, and something wrong is right.
When all these things happen, when they come true.
That's when I, without a doubt, will stop loving you.

Author Unknown

2006-02-10T17:13:00.000+10:30

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.

Worth

2005-10-26T20:12:00.000+09:30

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 note. In the room of 200, he asked, "who would like this $20 note?". Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this to one of you, but let me do this first". He proceeded to crumple the note. He then asked, "who still wants it?". Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," he replied, "what if I do this?". He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?". Still hands went up in the air.
"My friends, you all have learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth 20 dollars."
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled and ground into the dirt by the circumstances that come our way. We feel that we are worthless, but, no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never loose your value, dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives come not in what we do, or who we know, but who we are. You are special, don't ever forget that.
Always count your blessings, not your problems.

Just the Way It Is

2005-10-14T19:14:00.000+09:30

There is a lot that is bad with the world and too many people are ready to give up on it. I was one of them. Now, I'm not. Why? Because I honestly believe in the goodness of a person.
People will never stop whispering behind my back. I think that if I lived life like a saint and walked with two feet in one shoe... If I wore the clothes of St Francis of Assisi and suffered like a martyr... If I lived life by the 'rules' and never committed a sin, people would still talk. Because they are just like that. They'll always find someone to talk about. Which brings me to my next belief. Telstra would go broke if it weren't for the Lebanese :)

2005-10-13T21:06:00.000+09:30

I'll run one day. Run for my life. I'll run to be emancipated.

Peace

2005-10-11T18:15:00.000+09:30

I feel totally at peace and most blessed when:

I wake up to the sound of happily chirping birds.
Outside it is pouring and pouring with rain and I am comfortably cuddled up in bed.
I am sitting in bed, after a long day, listening to soothing music, writing in my diary.
Smiling and laughing with children. Nothing is comparable to the happiness I feel whilst with children.
I am sitting outside on a beautiful spring day, just soaking in the atmosphere around me.
I fall asleep and rise thinking of the most sweet soul each day.
someone says "I understand".

I love the most simple things in life and it is these most simple things that let me love life.

Picture of My Life

2005-10-05T18:13:00.000+09:30

My life reminds me of a jigsaw puzzle.
As one piece fits into another,
so my days join together to form the picture of my life.

I have mixed feelings as I examine the picture
already partly assembled.
Some pieces I would like to remove or rearrange,
but I cannot, for they are fixed in place.

My life, like a jigsaw puzzle, has been made up
of many shades of colour.
There have been the bright, happy times when things
have gone smoothly.
There have been the dark, shadowy times of suffering,
despair and uncertainty.

The bright periods have been pleasant,
but I know it has been the difficult and dark times
that have given my life perspective and depth.

As I look to the future, I feel some trepidation -
the boundaries of the picture are not fixed.

How much of my life is still to be completed?
I have no way of knowing, because you only give the pieces
to me daily, one at a time.
How many dark periods await me?
Will I have the strength and endurance to keep going
no matter what comes my way?

I know I must step into the future with faith,
believing that as you have been with me in the first part of my life,
guiding, comforting and teaching,
you will continue to walk beside me in the future.

I do not know how or when my life will end,
but it is my prayer, that when the last piece of the puzzle is put into place,
what will appear is not a picture of me,
but a picture of you, Lord.

God Be a Part of Me

2005-10-03T21:01:00.000+09:30

God be my rock.

Let me lean on you.

Help me feel secure with myself.

God be my rock.

kkk

God be my strength.

Help me draw confidence from you.

Help me be strong.

God be my strength.

kkk

God be my wisdom.

Help me make decisions

and let them be the right ones.

God be my wisdom.

kkk

God be my eyes.

Let me see things in a different way

and appreciate everything that is unique.

God be my eyes.

kkk

God be my ears.

Let me hear all that is beautiful.

Let me hear your word.

God be my ears.

kkk

God be my mouth.

May I preach your word.

May nothing insulting to others

ever pass through my lips.

God be my mouth.

kkk

God be my mind.

Let me be filled with knowledge.

Let me truly understand who you really are.

God be my mind.

kkk

God be my faith.

May I believe in you fully.

May I believe in you for eternity.

God be my faith.

kkk

God be my heart.

Let me be filled with your love.

May I love all people for who they are on the inside.

God be my heart.

kkk

God be a part of me.

Be my rock, my strength, my wisdom, my faith.

Be my ears, my eyes, my mouth, my mind and my heart.

God be a part of me, forever.

Spring

2005-10-02T15:39:00.000+09:30

God, give us eyes to see
the beauty of the spring
And to behold your majesty
in every living thing,
And may we see in lacy leaves
and every budding flower
The hand that rules the universe
with gentleness and power.

Helen Steiner Rice

Beauty

2005-09-13T22:07:00.000+09:30

Beautiful photos of an amazingly beautiful place - Bayno, Lebanon.

http://community.webshots.com/album/121922225OpoOEy

You

2005-09-13T20:27:00.000+09:30

With you
I am complete.
With you
I am so happy.

With you
I feel comfort.
With you
My heart is overflowing.

Near you
I forget everything.
Near you
I feel so strong.

Because of you
My love knows no end.
Because of you
My life flourishes.

You are so precious
Oh so precious my love.

In the Garden

2005-09-09T18:11:00.000+09:30

Lying on the grass,
In a beautiful, peaceful garden.
Sun beaming down,
Filtered by the tall, majestic trees.
I feel the warmth of the sun,
How much I love it's comfort.
Every thought, every worry fades away.
I feel so relaxed.
A divine light breeze passes,
Wafting a beautiful odour.
It is invigorating.
Birds are happily chirping,
How much I love their laughter.
I listen.
No thoughts.
No worries.
I feel peaceful.
How much I love this peace.
How much I need it.

Money

2005-09-08T23:34:00.000+09:30

Do you know what really shits me?
How money makes the world go round.
The way people think that they can buy your love/friendship/admiration.
The way people think money can 'heal' or make up for something.
That when you have money, you're the one everyone wants to be around.
When you don't, nobody knows you.
That so many people are caught up in money making that they forget the important things in life.
Money does not buy true happiness.
Money cannot ever buy true love.
Money cannot ever buy true friendship.
Money will not ever win you real admiration.
Money does not 'heal'.
Money does not even compare to a person's presence/understanding.
Money will not ever change who you really are.
Money is money.
And love is love.
So put your money back in your pocket...
And go buy happiness with love.

Hurt

2005-09-08T21:17:00.000+09:30

Sticks and stones can brake my bones, but words will never hurt me. Bullshit. Words can rip you apart.

Sama

2005-09-04T01:33:00.000+09:30

This is my fiance and I. I encourage you to check out his blog www.sasmen.blogspot.com which contains links to his many other blogs. He also has an amazing online collection of photos. Just visit http://community.webshot s.com/user/sassinabbout.

ENJOY!

It's Sad...

2005-08-31T22:48:00.000+09:30

Sometimes life can get us down. That, unfortunately, is inevitable. But, as they say, if you don't taste the bitter, you wouldn't know the sweet.

I've learnt so much these past few weeks. About people. About love. About trust. It's sad what I've discovered. I find myself always questioning my gullibility - how is it that I didn't see that before? Am I too trusting?

Over the past few weeks, I have seen the true colours of some people I had grown to believe loved me. And it sure was disappointing. But now, at this present moment, it is empowering. Yes, empowering. Not in the proud, i'm-better-than-you sense but in the sense that I've emerged a stronger, wiser girl. I thank God for what happened and is happening for I have learnt who my real friends are... and also because I got to witness some mighty fine acting along the way :) :P I've always been one to think with my heart... and now I have learnt to be more cautious.

I feel so happy because I am much more educated about the nature of people I come across and will come across in my life. Yet, I feel so sad that this is how they are... how they think. I feel sad that they are missing out on experiencing true happiness. I would just like them to feel this true happiness and no more empty satisfaction. No more lies, deceit, hatred. It's sad that people deal with their problems by creating ones for others. That people think that by making other people sound filthy, they are no longer so filthy. But, my friends, the clear-conscienced will always be just that - clear-conscienced. No amount of gossip or jealous taunts can ever take that away.

No amount of gossiping and undeservingly degrading other people can ever make you better... it only makes you worse. If you want to be and feel better... love. Love purely with all your heart. Enjoy the simple things in life... and let others enjoy them too. Do this and you will reach a level of satisfaction that you never knew existed.

You can't trust everyone on everything (as I discovered), but on this my friends, you can trust me.

Thank You

2005-08-31T22:03:00.000+09:30

Thank you God
Thank you for your blessing
For your guidance
For your protection.

Thank you Habibi
Thank you for your friendship
For your support
For your affection.

Thank you Mum
Thank you Dad
For your love
For your patience
For your understanding.

Thanks to all
Who have made me the person I am today
To those who have made me smile
To those who have made me cry.

Without you all
I am nothing
Because of you all
I am Sama :)

Where is the love?

2005-08-31T21:26:00.000+09:30

What is this world coming to? Where are we guiding our children, our hope? Where? Whatever happened to our values, our priorities? Whatever happened to us? The world is screaming for help. Will you help rescue it?

We are living in a war-torn world. A world where the incidence of violence and bloodshed is prevailing. "And in today's bulletin, 20 children were killed in a bomb blast...", "An attack today claimed 14 lives, 10 of whilch were women...", "22 civilians were killed today when war broke out...", headline after headline after headline. I cannot recall ever watching the news or reading the newspaper without coming across such chilling chilling stories and horrifying headlines. Poverty is growing, hunger is spreading, more and more people are becoming homeless. All in the name of war. Hatred is spreading, violence is growing. We - humans - are becoming inhumane. Yes, inhumane humans. We hear the words of leaders, politicians and even citizens defending their actions in honour of their country, like war is a way of showing one's patriotism. How many times have you heard "We must fight against this terrorism"? Yeah, fight against terrorism using terrorism. Good one. So totally justified! It's a vicious cycle. Surely, before the love of one's country comes the love felt for one's brother. When will we understand? Violence will not cure violence. Has abhorrence ever eliminated hatred? Let's stop kidding ourselves!

Not only is the world a war-torn place - families are themselves 'war-torn'. Conflicts are bound to arise in families - they always have and always will. Conflicts, arguments, misunderstandings... they are a part of life. But one must learn from these events. One must learn to handle them, learn the right way, learn to forgive and learn to move on. We must learn to love. Stubborn. Selfish. Cold-hearted. That's what kind of individuals we have become. A brother cannot forgive a brother. A sister cannot forgive a sister. Why? Where is the love? Recently I was watching a television program, "Open Your Heart". A brother had fallen out with his brother. They had not spoken for years. The brother wanted to reconcile. He had admitted that he was in the wrong and was asking him for his forgiveness. The brother did not even agree to listen! What kind of people have we become? Our father DIED for us, for the forgiveness of our sins... and a brother cannot even listen to his brother's pledge for forgiveness, let alone forgive him?! Sad. It really is. Why must I look at television to find an example? I just have to look at my family itself and those of my friends. What are we teaching our children? We have to forgive. We have to love.

The world and it's future is in our hands... under His supervision. Right now it looks so bleak. Let's work together on making it bright. Every action, every gesture counts.

2005-08-31T20:46:00.000+09:30

Marmoush :)